I’m helping my friend with her doctoral dissertation. The important thing I want to say about it right now is that its on the topic of how Object Relations relates to eating disorders. I also need to say I read A Course in Miracles everyday. The reason for the above two sentences will make sense in a moment. Especially if you know that both of these schools of thought believe that we create our reality based on our pain and fear.
I’m going to keep it brief because the truth is, I’ve got enough to say about this that I can post one blog a day for at least a year and not run out of topics.
In short, I’ve been a walking victim for 42 or more years and I made it all up. Here’s how:
My mom and dad split up when I was 9 months old. He never wrote, called or sent child support. I made up a story about it. Here are the highlights:
*My dad doesn’t love me
*If my own dad doesn’t love me, I must be awful
*Nobody loves me
The rest of the story highlights are simply a reinforcement of above.
Well, according to the Object Relations theory, an off-shoot of Freudian psychotherapy, I created my dad as a “bad object”. He hurt me, he abandonded me so I made up a story that basically “men cannot be trusted”. I stuck to the story whether it was true or not.
If I had a bad guy in my life, I used it as evidence. If I had a good guy, I made a point of turning him into a bad guy, even if I had to make it up.
According to A Course in Miracles, we can’t see reality because all we’re seeing is a replay of our fears. The Course says we can surrender the illusion of fear to the Holy Spirit and have our sight restored.
So, that might have been what happened tonight.
Long story short, I have seen my dad in person 3 times. The last time was over a year ago when we decided to forgive each other and try to have a relationship. From that moment, the illusion began to crumble.
Tonight it came tumbling down.
After working on Sharareh’s dissertation for 7 hours I came home and saw a book on my table. A book titled “Victory Over the Darkness.” A book my dad bought for me on Amazon.com and had shipped to my house.
It hit me. My dad is in my life now. He loves me. He wants me to forgive him. He drove across country to see me. But still, the remanents of the old story linger in the recesses of my mind.
Tonight, I thought: “What if I just let the story go right now?” “What if I had a new story about a miraculous reunification?” “What if this story could help me AND other people?”
That seemed logical. So I dropped the story and it felt pretty good.
P.S. If this story did help you, I would recommend that you subscribe to this blog because I haven’t even begun to tell it. Stay tuned.
P.P.S. Above is a picture of me and my dad at Denny’s last year when we met for the 3rd time ever and decided to forgive and let go.
Tags: A Course in Miracles, abandonment, abuse, healing, letting go, object relations, psychology, trauma, victory over the darkness
Great pic of you and dad. He looks sincere. And it seems that he has gone… and continues to go the extra mile… unselfishly. Appears that your (both) efforts are cracking the hardened earth.
Now.. it seems that the water that softens the crusted surface… to let what lies latent beneath… to blossom is simply… time.
Great work. And So It Is.
Your story is so touching and there are more people than we can even concieve who’s pain will be healed through your hurts. I commend you for taking a leap of faith and stepping out and sharing what you’ve endured in this life to assist someone else in fulfilling their purpose and reaching their destiny.
Be Ever So Blessed and don’t allow anything or anyone stop you from getting free and staying free that your purpose can be fulfilled. There is so much healing going to come to you and your family because of the leap of faith you’ve taken in sharing!
Sheri-beautiful work on an important journey. thanks so much for sharing it with me.
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