Lately I’ve had a few separate conversations with women about the man in their lives. In one way or another, each woman said something to the effect of, “why is it always me that has to change first? Why doesn’t he ever have to do anything?”
I know the answer to both of those questions based on lots of experience and trial and error and I’ve asked these same questions to my female companions along the way. The easiest answer I can give is this: If you want to be happy and you’re not, it’s up to you to do something to change it. If that sounds harsh, try this: take all the emotional history out of the equation. Read each of the following words very slowly and let it sink in. Avoid the tendency to get defensive.
If-YOU-want-to-be-happy-and-you’re-not-it’s-up-to-YOU-to-do-something-to-change-it. This is simply a routine statement like, if you want a tuna sandwich, you’ll have to do something to get it. If you want to go to the movies, you’ll have to take steps to make it happen.
For some reason in relationships we want the other person to change first. If you have two stubborn, inmature people both refusing to change first, your relationship will be in a stinky stalemate for way too long (trust me, I know). Here are a few different ways to look at it.
1. Going first is cool. Being the leader can kick ass sometimes.
2. Maybe he is the one choosing love and you should follow his lead.
3. If the stuff about the law of attraction is true and Joy and Love are attracters but hate and anger are repellents, why on earth would you want to stay in hate and anger when all it does is keep you from what you want and you and only you can change it?
It took a really long time for me to get this. I guess I’ll have to raise my hand for the category of stubborn and immature.
After watching the Presidential Inauguration and the We Are One concert, after hearing powerful speeches and inspiring songs about “doing your part” I figure the least I can do is love the ones I’m with. Seems pretty minute in comparison to running the country in turbulent times.
Tags: leadership, love, obama, Politics, Relationships, we are one, youtube
