If I had to give this week a title, it would be
Creativity Crash Course.
You see, I'm on this whole "love not fear" kick which calls for an incredible amount of creativity because fear is very sneaky and has endless ways of manifesting itself. I had to face a bunch of fears this week. Fear of losing my husband, fear of sickness, fear of being out of control, fears of being "found out", fears of not being good enough, fear of public speaking and more. Fear knocked on the door of my peace many times and each time, I had to deny it's pleas and make a conscious decision to choose love.
Let me give you a couple of examples.
This week, my husband and I have spent more time than usual dealing with doctors. He's been in serious pain, and I've stepped into the role of caretaker more deeply than usual. My husband has kidney stones and he has blood in his urine. I know, I know, "Too Much Information" but I have to say, when I saw that blood, my heart dropped.
It wasn't just about the blood, it was the fear that my husband could die and it was the fear of having to go on without him. It was unsettling to say the least. But if I was to choose love, not fear, I had to switch my mind to how I could make his experience a little less painful. How could I be of service?
Sometimes I felt like I was fighting with myself. Against the me that wants to ask "what about me?" Against the me that wants to dwell on the fear and drama of what might happen if/when I lose my husband "someday". I think the pull to dwell on drama goes way back, at least as far as the teenage years of watching soap operas and reading teen magazines, but I can speak from experience that choosing love feels a lot better than living in fear.
Since my husband has been down and out, I've been in charge of walking the dog. I used to dread walking the dog but since I'm in the "love not fear" mode, I looked for ways I could enjoy the time. I put on my iPod, listened to some tunes and last night I had the inspiration to practice my speech for the Area 2 Toastmasters contest while I was out walking. It was a blast.
Talk about overcoming a fear. I was delivering my speech in a very loud, animated way as cars whizzed by on Ocean Blvd. Call it crazy or call it bold, all I know is I used to be afraid to practice my speech in the closet of my own home! Now, I could care less what people think. I'm a public speaker practicing for a speech contest, whadda ya expect?
I liked practicing my speech in that manner so much that I might do it again even if I don't have to. It made my practice time feel more realistic and powerful than practicing inside my home alone. I pretended the people in their cars and houses were my audience and I was telling them all a story. This helped me get more clear on my timing. It seemed like it was more true to how I want to communicate in front of the live audience.
And that brings me to another aspect of my
Creativity Crash Course. I just won a speech contest at my
Agape Toastmasters club, which means I go on to represent my club at the area contest which means another opportunity to overcome fear. A lot of fear. I am literally pushed up against my own wall. I'm competing in the Tall Tales contest and prior to February 19, I'd never told a Tall Tale. But since I won (gulp) I will be busting through a new barrier on March 2 when I tell a Tall Tale for the second time, only this time there will be a lot more people there and I won't know them as well as I know my fellow Toastmasters at Agape. I have daydreams of disappearing into thin air. I consider the possibility of backing out. Neither one is going to happen if I have anything to say about it. Love it is. Love for me, love for life.
Another fear-busting experience for me was co-facilitating a Money Magnetism teleseminar with my
WE-WOW Master Mind partner, Nick Pfenningwerth of
Creative Wealth Building on Wednesday night. I have to admit (even though I'm afraid) that money management has been my greatest life challenge to date. I literally have money fears and I was pressed face to face with them all week long. Nick made some excellent points about why people repel money and what they need to do to attract money. I did all the homework he recommended and I'm determined to make peace with money. Love not fear...right?
I guess the success for me is that I flowed through the whole week without freaking out completely, throwing a fit or any other unfavorable response to life. Thanks to learning and applying some of the aspects of
CBT and
A Course in Miracles as well as some amazing warrior workouts with
Your Next Victory, I've been able to remain calm, peaceful and resourceful in a time of unpredictability and nervousness. My goal is to continue to handle life in a "love not fear" manner and to take on new challenges in the spirit of adventure and personal growth.
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The philosophy of Yoga is that you can breathe through any difficulty, any pain, any stiffness.
You can stretch yourself, you can be flexible, you can do things you didn't think you could do.
The teachers always say you can take the lessons you learn on the yoga mat out into the real world. I put that premise to the test this week and it proved to be true. With that in mind, I will definitely return to Yoga on the Bluff and I look forward to flowing through the next great adventure with grace, ease. 
