Tag Archives: empowerment

Rave Reviews of The Ray – Part III

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This is part three of my review of The Ray and I'm only up to page 16. Only 16 pages of reading and I've already written two blogs about it. I can't help it. When I find something this good, I gotta share about it. The article "Falling in Love With You" by Dr. Meg Haworth was a real eye-opener. Here are some of the quotes: "Paying attention to the regular flow of the self-deprecating voices in your head is one way to begin your commitment to loving you....If you put yourself down throughout the day, others will reflect back to you exactly what you are telling yourself. What you think and feel about you is what gets produced in the world around you." (Side note: I call my self-depricating voice "Jeb." Jeb is an overweight, mysogynist, conservative republican with a Southern accent. He has a beer belly and he wears blue jeans, a white T-shirt, suspenders and a John Deere baseball cap. I might unfurl Jeb to the public on the Get Gal VanIZed blog sometime in the near future). Dr. Meg Haworth admits to denying and degrading her own talents and accomplishments in life. Even though she is highly educated and creative, (after all, she draws, sings, dances, writes poetry, songs, books, and regular articles and teaches at the Doctoral level...(phew, that's a lot to do). Nonetheless she admits, "My commitment to hiding those talents had become a way of fufilling my beliefs around being small. I did not feel I had anything of value to offer the world." Boy, can I relate to that one. It seems like every client I see shares a similar sentiment. I have been around some amazing men and women in my life and I have seen a very strong tendency for people to downplay their successes, talents and accomplishments as "not good enough." I think this is partially a side effect of a perfectionistic mindset. We are bombarded with images of perfection at every turn. Your mind believes that perfect is "normal." Of course perfection is entirely abnormal. There literally is No Such Thing. From Sabotage to SuccessDr. Meg Haworth had a worksheet titled The Path to Self-Love. She poses 6 questions for readers to reflect on. Rather than copy them from the magazine and risk copyright violation, I will share questions from worksheets in my book, From Saboatage to Success that can also help you create self-love.
  1. Write your current concept of success. Where did you learn it from? Is there anything you'd like to change about it?
  2. Write about the heroes or heroines you admired as a child look for clues as to what you value and admire.
  3. Consider your favorite hobbies or books you read as a child. Do you find any common themes?
  4. What brings you joy?
  5. Through the years, what has been a consistent quality or attirbute that other people have appreciated in you?
  6. Think of three people who know you well. What would each of them say is unique or special about you?
I have one more post about The Ray in a future blog.

Rave Reviews of The Ray – Part II

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You HAVE to get a copy of The Ray, even if you just sign up for it on-line at www.theray.org. The Ray just expanded their distribution channels. I saw copies at Agape church today and some at The Library coffee shop in Long Beach yesterday. In my last post, I told you all about The first 11 pages of The Ray. 11 Pages?? It's insane that 11 pages of one magazine inspired an entire blog. This magazine required 4 blogs! (New ones coming soon). Queen_EstherSo let's move on to Gina Ratliffe's article, Why Women Love Money. I love this quote, "As I have learned from the exquisite role model, Queen Esther from ancient Persia, the goal for us as wise, empowered, feminine women is not to "become" Queen. It is our duty, our response-ability and our opportunity to BE Queen, for only from this place of power can we fulfill our purpose." Ratliffe outlines 8 Reasons Women Want to Make More Money That Have Nothing to Do With Money. 1. Basic needs, 2. Romantic Relationship, 3. Personal Expansion & Momentum, 4. Creative Expression, 5. Career Advancement, 6. Greater Self-Confidence, 7. Community and 8. Power. I love what she said about community, "Money is needed for the cultivation of community as it is required for membership fees, gas to drive and meet a girlfriend, pay for a cup of tea and ultimately have the funds needed to powerfully exist in social, professional and sacred circles." Regarding power Ratliffe says, "Our world needs the savvy, smart and talented woman to not just be great at her profession, but to also be wise and asstute to harnessing the power of money." I say Amen Sister. And I'm only on page 16.

Rave Reviews of The Ray – Part I

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I mentioned in an earlier blog that I met the editor of The Ray at Kathe Scaaf's workshop in Orange on May 3. Well, I saw Sierra again yesterday at the I Am Woman conference and we had a nice chat. I am so glad I discovered The Ray. As soon as I opened it up to read it I was like, "O-My-God." Talk about a page turner. I literally read with a pen in my hand. I underlined stuff. I put notes in the margins. I want to share some of the highlights with you. I was already pumped up by the ads before I even got to Sierra's Editor's Greeting because everything about this magazine is empowering. Toward the end of Sierra's greeting she shared a question with readers that she asks herself when she's evaluating relationships in her life. The question is: "is this relationship gaining interest, breaking even, or putting me in debt?" She empasized that sometimes the relationship that we need to evaluate is the relationship that we have with ourselves. Flip just one page and you're at an article by Byron Katie with Michael Katz titled Your Most Intimate Relationship. Here's my favorite quote from that article, "The irony is that the struggle to win love and approval makes it very difficult to experience them. Chronic approval seekers don't realize that they are loved and supported not because of but despite their efforts. And the more strenuously they seek, the less likely they are to notice." At the close of the article Byron Katie writes, "I don't let go of thoughts, I question them and they let go of me." You can find out more about Byron Katie at www.thework.com. Flip only one more page and there is an article by Lenore Perry titled "Relationship Reflection". One simple quote in this article was VERY impactful for me. I thought about it over and over again even hours after I read it. Are you ready? "I have heard it said that 5 years in a healthy, connected and deeply intimate relationship can undo a fair amount of the damage done in our childhoods. It can literally heal old wounds. That is why we look for people who have qualities reminiscent of the worst traits of our parents. We want another shot. And we get it. We see things in ourselves through the most unrelenting mirror." This SO describes my marriage. Only it has taken me 12 (not 5) years to figure out that my husband is not the enemy, I am. I have lived in the victim mind set for so long that I drew a picture in my mind of who I "thought" my husband was and I interacted with him as though my thoughts were the truth. I had reasons to get stuck in the victim mode. An entire childhood of good reasons and lots of juicy stories. To illustrate, I might even post a blog of me with a broken arm when I was 2. You won't believe how it happened. But here's the most important point of all, I was 2 years old 40 years ago. Part of the victim/"I gotta protect myself" mindset is that I thought I was so smart if I realized "he's just like all the other guys." I was "smart" by not listening to him. I was "smart" by pretending that I knew what was best. I resisted and resented my very best tool in the world. I had it at my disposal most every day and every night for 12 freaking years. It was my way out of prison and I could not see it and I could not walk through. If I was awake, I would have to acknowledge that my husband believes in me more than I believe in myself. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to be happy. But my own ingrained thoughts of fear, insecurity and mistrust prevented me from seeing the signs. Instead, I viewed him thorugh a filter of fear and insecurity. It's as if there was a decoder between the two of us and by the time his message got to me, I jumbled it up in code and turned it into a nasty plea for victimhood. I am just now ready to break out of the victim mode and be present in my life. Living in the past and the future has eaten up many years and lots of potential. I want to live my remaining days to the fullest. I'll write more about The Ray in an upcoming blog and I think I'm gonna post that picture. I want to create awareness of the impact of trauma and also talk about some ways you can heal.

The Ray – It’s Illuminating

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I have grown up my entire life looking at magazines. It was a teen magazine, with Brooke Sheilds in the centerfold that provoked my first memorable thought that "I'm not good enough, I'm fat, I should lose weight." I was 12. I didn't even weigh 100 lbs yet. But that day when I saw that picture and had those thoughts was the beginning of my obsession with weight and eating. I began counting calories, I eventually started smoking and then I started taking legal and illegal drugs to suppress my appetite and make me thin. A couple of years ago, I proclaimed a complete hiatus from women's magazines. I cancelled my subscriptions, I ignore the envelopes from In Style telling me they "want me back." Just the other day I was reflecting on how my fast from fashion magazines has made a noteable impact on my self-esteem and body image. My need, want and desire to consume or to shop for the sake of shopping is totally gone. I feel more at peace with myself right now than I ever have. It turns out there is at least one magazine that I can read from cover to cover and feel like a better person for it. The magazine is called The Ray and their website is at www.theray.org. I met the editor, Sierra at a recent workshop with Kathe Schaaf. I know that Sierra's heart is dedicated to empowering women and being her best self. As I read this magazine, I felt compelled to get out a pen and start underlining things and writing notes in the creases of the page. I want to share more about that with you in an upcoming blog. I want to share some of the quotes and my reactions to them and I want to get your reactions too. If you're sick of the same old women's magazines with starving models on the cover and articles about where to find the best bra and if you feel full of untapped potential that you want to tap, you just might love The Ray as much as I did.

Kathe Shaaf – At the Intersection of Sovereign and Sacred

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Kathe Schaaf and crew at McCharles HouseSaturday May 3 I joined with several female leaders as we discussed ways to develop and share our skills and also be compensated for our talents. The workshop was titled At the Intersection of Soverign and Sacred. Kathe started the workshop off by telling a story of The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell. King Arthur challenges Sir Gawain to discover what women most want. His answer is correct: women want soverinty, or the freedom to choose. Solving the riddle saved Sir Gawain's life and giving his wife sovereignty broke the curse that made her ugly. She became beautiful day and night and Gawain fell deeply in love with her. During the workshop, we talked about what makes us leaders and how we've utilized (or underutilized) our leadership up to this point in our lives. We wrote a list of some of our forms of resistance to change then shared them with each other. My list actually caused me to laugh out loud. It said things like: "I can't be successful because I don't have a country club membership." I realized at a deep level that part of the reason I fear success is because I would have to become like the people my ego has equated with the word "success" and frankly, some of those stiffs are downright boring and arrogant. I realized (and by the way, not for the first time) that I could create my own definition of success. May I add, this little tid bit was in a book I wrote and had published in 2000. How is it possible to write a whole book and forget what it's about? I have no idea. The point is, I know now. I woke up, even if it was only for a few minutes. Before leaving the workshop, we all chose an index card from a layered deck. Mine said "Never be the same." I interpreted that to mean that I should stop trying to "fit in" and just be myself. Turns out, I think it means even more. My life will "never be the same" after that powerful meeting with feminine leaders. In fact is is only and always as a result of constructive, empowering gatherings with women (like my Master Mind meetings or even Derby Doll practice) that I am able to become more of who I am. L to R Sierra (editor of The Ray magazine, more about The Ray in future blogs), Marilyn, Paula Easton, me, Carla Browning, Laura Swan, Kathe Shaaf, Julia from Unity Bridges and Tracy.