Somewhere along the line I got the message loud and clear, it's better to be cool than uncool and somehow, my concept of cool was equated with a James Dean type character - rebel without a cause. My life choices and relationships reflected this value. I thought the rebels were cool and I wanted to be like them more than I wanted to be like the "uncool" people. This had it's upside and it's downside.
On the upside, I got to be at the cutting edge with some very cool, creative, unique people. I never tried to fit in to the mainstream and as such, I sort of got to form my own identity (although I was partially influenced by the desire to be "cool" so maybe I wasn't entirely true to my own individuality).
The downside is, I did all those self-destructive things associated with the rebel, including smoking, drinking, drugs and generally disregarding the rules and defying authority whenever possible...sometimes to my own detriment.
Many years ago I quit the drugs, the drinking and the smoking and it's been a bit of an inner struggle at times. I don't feel very "cool" anymore and the part of me that doesn't want to be known as an "old
fuddy duddy" yearns for a little rebellion now and then. Yet, the self-destruction is no longer "cool" and even with the heavy substance abuse long gone, I still have the residual damage to my health and a mountain of debt due to my "
devil-may-care" attitude.
Lately, I've been striving to make some positive changes in my life, to break out of old habits that no longer serve me. One such habit is to eat out less often and bring my lunch. It would be a great habit to have, saving me money and helping me to be more healthy yet it was a habit I was resisting. I always had an excuse not to bring my lunch and I often "forgot" to pack a lunch.
One day I was writing in my journal and I realized. Part of the reason I don't want to bring my lunch is because I don't think it's "cool". With more journaling, I realized that I associate packing a lunch with being a "
nerd". Totally irrational, I know but isn't that the nature of a self-defeating belief?
So, right there on the spot, I decided I no longer wanted to keep a habit that wasn't serving me. I also decided that since I was the one who made up what was cool and not cool, I could change it. Rebelling against "
the man" - still cool, self-destruction - not cool. So, I decided to make a list of what "cool" means to me.
After making the list, I wrote a little bit about what the words mean to me and how they fit in with the person I am now and the person I want to be.
Carefree - I am free to be me, I let go of concern regarding what others think of me
Creative - I can make it up without waiting for permission or worrying about doing it "right"
Independent - I can be independent because I am responsible and in charge of my life, because I have a solid base and a structure to support me
Strong - I am strong enough to set my own agenda and stick to it
Courageous - I have the courage to speak my Truth as I know it rather than bow to what others think I 'should' do
Intelligent - I spend and save wisely, not ignorantly and impulsively
Calculated - I can be cool because I have a plan. I am not "flying by the seat of my pants". I am firm and solid in who I am and where I'm going
Confident - I believe in myself and my way. I don't concern myself with what others are thinking or doing
Connected - I have a crew, a team, a posse and together we can get things done
Conscious - I do what is right by me. I am aware
Leader - I lead by example. I learn from others and delegate those tasks that are "not my style"
In my book, cool people are brave enough to be themselves even in the face of criticism and ridicule. I realized after writing this all out that there is nothing cool about following other cool people's rules. The coolest thing I can think of is to make my own rules and to live by them regardless of what other people think. Since making this list, I have shifted my perception and my habits and I am right now in the process of making changes to my diet and my budget with relative ease. It was a shift that needed to happen because as long as I valued "cool" and felt "uncool" I was always likely to be pulled in one direction or the other. With my new definition, I can be cool and be true to my desires for health and wealth at the same time.
If you have some old,
outmoded beliefs and attitudes that are no longer working for you, the book
From Sabotage to Success may be just what you're looking for. The first chapter has a belief tree exercise that helps you to identify some of your current beliefs, where they came from and whether or not you want to keep them. The entire book is filled with worksheets to help you define your own life and your own definitions of success.
Avaliable on Amazon.com.
For more blogs about overcoming self-sabotage visit
icreatehabits.com
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There's nothing cool about holding back.
