On the upside, I got to be at the cutting edge with some very cool, creative, unique people. I never tried to fit in to the mainstream and as such, I sort of got to form my own identity (although I was partially influenced by the desire to be “cool” so maybe I wasn’t entirely true to my own individuality). The downside is, I did all those self-destructive things associated with the rebel, including smoking, drinking, drugs and generally disregarding the rules and defying authority whenever possible…sometimes to my own detriment.

Many years ago I quit the drugs, the drinking and the smoking and it’s been a bit of an inner struggle at times. I don’t feel very “cool” anymore and the part of me that doesn’t want to be known as an “old fuddy duddy” yearns for a little rebellion now and then. Yet, the self-destruction is no longer “cool” and even with the heavy substance abuse long gone, I still have the residual damage to my health and a mountain of debt due to my “devil-may-care” attitude.

Lately, I’ve been striving to make some positive changes in my life, to break out of old habits that no longer serve me. One such habit is to eat out less often and bring my lunch. It would be a great habit to have, saving me money and helping me to be more healthy yet it was a habit I was resisting. I always had an excuse not to bring my lunch and I often “forgot” to pack a lunch.

One day I was writing in my journal and I realized. Part of the reason I don’t want to bring my lunch is because I don’t think it’s “cool”. With more journaling, I realized that I associate packing a lunch with being a “nerd“. Totally irrational, I know but isn’t that the nature of a self-defeating belief?

So, right there on the spot, I decided I no longer wanted to keep a habit that wasn’t serving me. I also decided that since I was the one who made up what was cool and not cool, I could change it. Rebelling against “the man” – still cool, self-destruction – not cool. So, I decided to make a list of what “cool” means to me.

After making the list, I wrote a little bit about what the words mean to me and how they fit in with the person I am now and the person I want to be.

Carefree – I am free to be me, I let go of concern regarding what others think of me

Creative – I can make it up without waiting for permission or worrying about doing it “right”

Independent – I can be independent because I am responsible and in charge of my life, because I have a solid base and a structure to support me

Strong – I am strong enough to set my own agenda and stick to it

Courageous – I have the courage to speak my Truth as I know it rather than bow to what others think I ’should’ do

Intelligent – I spend and save wisely, not ignorantly and impulsively

Calculated – I can be cool because I have a plan. I am not “flying by the seat of my pants”. I am firm and solid in who I am and where I’m going

Confident – I believe in myself and my way. I don’t concern myself with what others are thinking or doing

Connected – I have a crew, a team, a posse and together we can get things done

Conscious – I do what is right by me. I am aware

Leader – I lead by example. I learn from others and delegate those tasks that are “not my style”

In my book, cool people are brave enough to be themselves even in the face of criticism and ridicule. I realized after writing this all out that there is nothing cool about following other cool people’s rules. The coolest thing I can think of is to make my own rules and to live by them regardless of what other people think. Since making this list, I have shifted my perception and my habits and I am right now in the process of making changes to my diet and my budget with relative ease. It was a shift that needed to happen because as long as I valued “cool” and felt “uncool” I was always likely to be pulled in one direction or the other. With my new definition, I can be cool and be true to my desires for health and wealth at the same time.

If you have some old, outmoded beliefs and attitudes that are no longer working for you, the book From Sabotage to Success may be just what you’re looking for. The first chapter has a belief tree exercise that helps you to identify some of your current beliefs, where they came from and whether or not you want to keep them. The entire book is filled with worksheets to help you define your own life and your own definitions of success. Avaliable on Amazon.com.

For more blogs about overcoming self-sabotage visit icreatehabits.com

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When you think about it, every musical act you know of is using the Master Mind principle whether they realize it or not. They are joining together as a team with a combined vision. You can use the same principle and make some truly rockin’ things happen in your life.

Do you have a creative project you want to complete? Do you want to find a purpose for your life?

If so, I invite you to come over to my brand new page called Start a Master Mind Group.com. I’m offering 4 freebies to get you started so you can get a sense of what the Master Mind is all about.

There’s nothing cool about holding back.

I was so busy replaying the stories and self-criticism that I picked up along the journey of my life that I could not be present. I could not hear your words of praise and I could not feel your love. I thought you were lying. I thought you were just trying to be nice. I had no idea you actually meant it and it could actually be true.

Self-criticism was my life. My mom has pumping self-hate through her bloodstream while I was in her womb. She was drinking Diet Coke and smoking cigarettes, trying not to gain weight. After I was born, she was starving herself to try and attain a weight of 105. One time the Department of Social Services came out to our apartment because the neighbors were concerned that I had been left alone. What happened is that my mom passed out due to starvation and I was left to fend for myself. How can a teen mom with this much self-hate possibly teach a child about self-love?

I think many women have become accustomed to self-criticism and it is a learned comfort zone. Self-hatred is a norm. Women who seem too confident or successful are subject to criticism, women who are “too thin” or “too curvy” are subject to body stereotypes. When a young, beautiful or successful woman threatens our security, we rip her to shreds, finding everything that’s “wrong” with her and pointing it out to whoever will listen. Let’s face it, many of us are not respecting ourselves or each other and it’s not helping a soul.

My life experiences range from working with at-risk youth, recovering addicts, battered women, ex-cons and foster youth to wealthy hypnosis clients. I was one of 5 White kids living on the Hupa Indian Reservation in California in 1976. I’ve attended and lead thousands of groups, meetings, classes and workshops and worked as a therapist with hundreds of clients.

I attended more than 20 schools and lived in even more neighborhoods. I wrote for the school newspaper and interviewed a variety of interesting people for articles. I’m one of those people who naturally evokes trust and as a result, strangers, friends, aquaintances, family members and clients have sat with me since I was a child and told me intimate details of their “story.”

Here’s what I know: we all want the same things and we all have the same feelings. We all want love. We all want to feel important. We all want to make a difference and live a life of purpose. We all have moments where we feel powerless, afraid and alone. The majority of us have regrets about the past that we rehearse consistently. The reason we don’t follow our dreams is that we don’t believe in ourselves. We have excuses and rationalizations and delay tactics and drama but none of them are real. It’s all a facade.

People have talked about the importance of love for decades yet the concept of self-love is practically shunned. As long as we hate ourselves, it will be difficult to make positive changes in our own lives or the lives of others. I created a CD that’s all about loving yourself as you are, it’s called Love Your Body, Love Yourself. I know it is powerful because I listened to a CD like this when I was in my 20’s and it made a huge difference. The repetition of all those positive thoughts helped me to do things I dreamt of doing such as writing a book, getting it published, going to college and becoming a college instructor. Because of my own personal experience, I am becoming more and more diligent about choosing my thoughts and energy than ever before.

Take a moment to pause. Notice what your automatic thoughts are. Are they leading you in the direction in which you wish to go? If not, it is up to you to change it and it’s quite easy and possible to do if you want to. You simply create new habits by thinking new thoughts. My book, From Sabotage to Success can be a useful tool in helping you find thoughts that aren’t working for you and replacing them with thoughts that do. Another tool that’s been useful to me lately is watching You Can Heal Your Life on DVD. This movie really opened my eyes to a different perception of myself and how I interact in the world. Check it out if you believe in things like The Secret or Law of Attraction.