2010 is the year that all girls and women must break free from body image and weight issues. Stop wasting your life in self-hatred and learn to feel fabulous now.

I know weight and eating issues can be a heavy burden so I made this light-hearted video to encourage you to drop the weight and embrace the joy, fun and freedom of being alive today.

I also want to invite you to cash in on the Independence Day Sale at icreatehabits.com right away!!!

Buy one weight loss hypnosis CD and get one free. Visit icreatehabits.com for details.

It’s my body. If I go out on a date and a guy buys me dinner, I do not owe him a kiss or anything else. A simple, “thank you,” does the job just fine. Despite what society might say, my body is not my currency.

It’s my body. If I overeat at a party today, because the food is just so good, I do not need to restrict or over-exercise tomorrow. My body needs to be nourished, everyday, and never deserves to be punished.

It’s my body. If I have been abused, my body does not deserve to be hated. My body is not disgusting because of what someone else did to me. My body is not something to feel ashamed of or to hide. I cherish my body.

It’s my body. If I am sick, I need to give my body rest and do whatever it takes to get well. My body is not invincible. It is fragile. I must not abuse it with food, alcohol, drugs, or anything else. I must take care of it.

It’s my body. Today my organs are nourished and can function properly. I get enough sleep. I am strong. I do things that feel enjoyable like hiking, swimming, getting a massage, yoga, or even kissing my date — when I choose to do so.

It’s my body. I do not look like you or anyone else. You might be taller or thinner than me. By societal standards, you might be prettier than me. But you are not me. And I am not you.

It’s your body. Respect it. Nourish it. Love it.

Jenni Shaefer will be a guest on The Sheri and Erin Show on February 18, 2010. You can visit the show page to set a reminder before the show so you won’t forget. Also, if you see this post after February 18 you can listen to the archive.

Here’s a link directly to Jenni Shaefer’s interview. You can listen to the archive using the player below.

Appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is a consultant with the Center For Change in Orem, Utah and Las Vegas, Nevada. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

On the upside, I got to be at the cutting edge with some very cool, creative, unique people. I never tried to fit in to the mainstream and as such, I sort of got to form my own identity (although I was partially influenced by the desire to be “cool” so maybe I wasn’t entirely true to my own individuality). The downside is, I did all those self-destructive things associated with the rebel, including smoking, drinking, drugs and generally disregarding the rules and defying authority whenever possible…sometimes to my own detriment.

Many years ago I quit the drugs, the drinking and the smoking and it’s been a bit of an inner struggle at times. I don’t feel very “cool” anymore and the part of me that doesn’t want to be known as an “old fuddy duddy” yearns for a little rebellion now and then. Yet, the self-destruction is no longer “cool” and even with the heavy substance abuse long gone, I still have the residual damage to my health and a mountain of debt due to my “devil-may-care” attitude.

Lately, I’ve been striving to make some positive changes in my life, to break out of old habits that no longer serve me. One such habit is to eat out less often and bring my lunch. It would be a great habit to have, saving me money and helping me to be more healthy yet it was a habit I was resisting. I always had an excuse not to bring my lunch and I often “forgot” to pack a lunch.

One day I was writing in my journal and I realized. Part of the reason I don’t want to bring my lunch is because I don’t think it’s “cool”. With more journaling, I realized that I associate packing a lunch with being a “nerd“. Totally irrational, I know but isn’t that the nature of a self-defeating belief?

So, right there on the spot, I decided I no longer wanted to keep a habit that wasn’t serving me. I also decided that since I was the one who made up what was cool and not cool, I could change it. Rebelling against “the man” – still cool, self-destruction – not cool. So, I decided to make a list of what “cool” means to me.

In my book, a truly cool person is:
Carefree
Creative
Independent
Strong
Courageous
Intelligent
Calculated
Confident
Connected
Conscious
Leader

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After making the list, I wrote a little bit about what the words mean to me and how they fit in with the person I am now and the person I want to be.

Carefree – I am free to be me, I let go of concern regarding what others think of me

Creative – I can make it up without waiting for permission or worrying about doing it “right”

Independent – I can be independent because I am responsible and in charge of my life, because I have a solid base and a structure to support me

Strong – I am strong enough to set my own agenda and stick to it

Courageous – I have the courage to speak my Truth as I know it rather than bow to what others think I ’should’ do

Intelligent – I spend and save wisely, not ignorantly and impulsively

Calculated – I can be cool because I have a plan. I am not “flying by the seat of my pants”. I am firm and solid in who I am and where I’m going

Confident – I believe in myself and my way. I don’t concern myself with what others are thinking or doing

Connected – I have a crew, a team, a posse and together we can get things done

Conscious – I do what is right by me. I am aware

Leader – I lead by example. I learn from others and delegate those tasks that are “not my style”

In my book, cool people are brave enough to be themselves even in the face of criticism and ridicule. I realized after writing this all out that there is nothing “cool” about following other “cool” people’s rules. The coolest thing I can think of is to make my own rules and to live by them regardless of what other people think. Since making this list, I have shifted my perception and my habits and I am right now in the process of making changes to my diet and my budget with relative ease. It was a shift that needed to happen because as long as I valued “cool” and felt “uncool” I was always likely to be pulled in one direction or the other. With my new definition, I can be cool and be true to my desires for health and wealth at the same time.

If you have some old, outmoded beliefs and attitudes that are no longer working for you, the book From Sabotage to Success may be just what you’re looking for. The first chapter has a belief tree exercise that helps you to identify some of your current beliefs, where they came from and whether or not you want to keep them. The entire book is filled with worksheets to help you define your own life and your own definitions of success. Avaliable on Amazon.com.

For more blogs about overcoming self-sabotage visit icreatehabits.com

If you live near Long Beach, CA, consider attending the six week workshop series beginning June 1.

Six Steps From Sabotage to Success
Everyday Zen Relaxation Studio
3740 Atlantic Blvd. Suite 201
Long Beach CA 90807
Monday nights June 1-July 6, 2009
6:30-8:30 p.m.
Cost – $60 for the entire series + $25 materials fee or $15 per week

Click here to download the color brochure for this workshop series

Space is limited.

Call 562-305-3434 to reserve a spot or pre-register for the entire series on-line today. Cost $60 for six weeks.

The daughter, a beautiful, spunky blond is delivering the graduation speech. She begins to talk about how she’d rather be fighting with her family than pretending everything was perfect. It was a healing moment for several of the women in the family.

I am amazed at how so many women lose themselves one little bit at a time over the years. They stop dancing, they pretend they don’t like sex anymore. They try to follow all the rules but being themselves is the most beautiful thing they could be. What I know is that our mass media programming is not conducive to building self-esteem. If you want to get programming that IS conducive to making you feel better about yourself, you will have to look outside the box. Literally.

In my book, From Sabotage to Success, I try to help people break free from self-imposed limitations. I’m no saint. I’m most like Suzette (Goldie Hawn) than anyone in the movie but for years I tried desperately to be Lavinia (the character portrayed by Susan Sarandon). I wanted “you” to love me more than I wanted to be happy. I thought if “you” loved me, I would be happy but now I’m realizing the only way I can be happy is when I’m being me.

Are you a Suzette (Goldie Hawn) trapped in a Lavinia (Susan Sarandon) body? Check it out:

P.S. The book my Dad bought me, the one I told you about a few blogs ago, I think that has something to do with helping me let go of self-condemnation too. So does reading A Course in Miracles. By the way, the book my dad bought me is called Victory Over Darkness. There are over 2 million copies in print. Hallelujah.

If you’ve been following this blog you know that weekly songs have been provided by DJ Rinkrat for the past few months. This week, Rinkrat is on hiatus and Gal VanIZed is at the turntable. I may have found out about this song thanks to Rinkrat but I’m the one who insisted that it be the song of the week.

I want to dedicate this tune to all my students at Long Beach City College. We are always talking about how one person makes a difference and how your thoughts effect your perception. What do you suppose might happen if you made this song your theme song. What if you listened to it so many times that it got stuck in your head. What if, everytime you started to doubt yourself or feel like giving up, you started thinking about this song?

I think it could be powerful.

I looked for the lyrics to Self-Esteem by Nelly on the web but didn’t find them so I listened to the song (willingly) about 5 times and tried to jot them all down. I’m gonna have sweet dreams tonight. If you can help me with any of the parts I’ve missed, I appreciate it.

Chours 1
You got to believe in yourself
Don’t let nobody tell you what you can be
You got to believe in yourself
And everything else will work out, you’ll see
2x

Chorus 2
I think, I.., Naw, I know, I can 3x
I know I can 2x

You see my papa was a rolling stone
and my momma had problems of her own
but I still managed to make it out okay

although I’m hailed as a hometown hero
Still in my hometown I’m seen as a negro
but man that’s okay

There’s so many obstacles in life to overcome
and as soon as you jump over one
here come another one

But we got to be strong and set examples for our sons
If the sun don’t shine then the decaying has begun

Chorus 1 repeat 2x
Chorus 2 repeat 3x

They say I’m old enough to go to war
But I ain’t old enough to play in the NBA no more
Now you tell me what’s wrong with that

I pledge allegiance all the way to Iraq
But ain’t nobody pledging to me when I get back
Tell my Uncle Sam he’s wrong for that

You see my self-esteem
I’m never leaving home without it
They told me I’d never make it
They told me I ain’t got it

(this verse is unclear for me)
Now tell me whoever made it
now tell me I ain’t got it
I’m sayin’ (??)
who’s sayin’ I ain’t (??)

Chorus 1 repeat x2

That’s right
You gotta believe it brother

Chours 2 repeat – 3x’s

Rock on Nelly
Rock on my brother
Keep your head up over the storm young fellow

Got a letter from the government
Opened it, read it
and told ‘em all to forget it

Because we believe in the future
Uncle Sam sends his man to recruit you
You still can’t trust it

But you came this far
end of discussion
When you know who you are

Chorus 1 repeat 2x

That’s right, believe
Com’on now
Don’t let nobody tell you what you can be
Nelly, tell ‘em now

That’s right, rockin’ in pos-i-tivity

Chorus 2 repeat 2x

You gotta believe
You gotta believe my brother
You keep doin’ your thing
That’s right, keep that head up
all the way into the future
that’s right
for the babies, baby

Buy Self Esteem by Nelly on iTunes

The song of the week is brought to you by Michael Zampelli, former owner of Southern California punk rock icon, Zed Records. For almost 30 years, this mecca of punk and alternative music kept Southern California enthusiasts adequately supplied with unique, original and innovative music.

Currently, Zampelli manages a hockey fan message boards at www.letsgokings.com with thousands of subscribers. He takes photos for the LAist and the LA Derby Dolls. Each week he will contribute a song with a theme, a message and a beat. Enjoy and stay tuned.

Movies like Coach Carter tell a story of how strong leadership can change the course of a young person’s life. But it seems that girls and women are rarely encouraged to participate in competitive sports.

In my opinion, the video below is a good demonstration of the lessons learned in roller derby. San Diego Derby Doll, Bonnie D. Stoir, breaks down the mechanics of a powerslide in clear, concise terms. She assumes the attitude that anyone who repeatedly practices the steps of a successful powerslide will eventually master it. This empowering message is a good demonstration of how we create our results based on our actions and how skills are acquired one step at a time. It also reinforces how our attitude determines our outcome.

Learning lessons of persistence, patience and dedication in a sporty, fun and physical way is abundantly more interesting to me than sitting on an exercise bike or zoning out to T.V. on a treadmill. Sometimes I respond better to physically assaultive forms of communication like punk rock and roller derby.

If you know a spunky, rambunctious, vivacious young girl who you want to help develop individuality and leadership skills, you might want to send her to Jr. Derby camp. This camp teaches teamwork and empowerment for girls 9-17 through the use of roller derby training and is hosted by the Los Angeles Derby Dolls. Camp is in session July 21-25th at the Doll Factory: 1910 W. Temple St. Los Angeles, CA 90026

For details about the Jr. Derby Camp, visit the Derby Dolls on the web at: http://derbydolls.com/la/derbydollcamp/

I was so busy replaying the stories and self-criticism that I picked up along the journey of my life that I could not be present. I could not hear your words of praise and I could not feel your love. I thought you were lying. I thought you were just trying to be nice. I had no idea you actually meant it and it could actually be true.

Self-criticism was my life. My mom has pumping self-hate through her bloodstream while I was in her womb. She was drinking Diet Coke and smoking cigarettes, trying not to gain weight. After I was born, she was starving herself to try and attain a weight of 105. One time the Department of Social Services came out to our apartment because the neighbors were concerned that I had been left alone. What happened is that my mom passed out due to starvation and I was left to fend for myself. How can a teen mom with this much self-hate possibly teach a child about self-love?

I think many women have become accustomed to self-criticism and it is a learned comfort zone. Self-hatred is a norm. Women who seem too confident or successful are subject to criticism, women who are “too thin” or “too curvy” are subject to body stereotypes. When a young, beautiful or successful woman threatens our security, we rip her to shreds, finding everything that’s “wrong” with her and pointing it out to whoever will listen. Let’s face it, many of us are not respecting ourselves or each other and it’s not helping a soul.

My life experiences range from working with at-risk youth, recovering addicts, battered women, ex-cons and foster youth to wealthy hypnosis clients. I was one of 5 White kids living on the Hupa Indian Reservation in California in 1976. I’ve attended and lead thousands of groups, meetings, classes and workshops and worked as a therapist with hundreds of clients.

I attended more than 20 schools and lived in even more neighborhoods. I wrote for the school newspaper and interviewed a variety of interesting people for articles. I’m one of those people who naturally evokes trust and as a result, strangers, friends, aquaintances, family members and clients have sat with me since I was a child and told me intimate details of their “story.”

Here’s what I know: we all want the same things and we all have the same feelings. We all want love. We all want to feel important. We all want to make a difference and live a life of purpose. We all have moments where we feel powerless, afraid and alone. The majority of us have regrets about the past that we rehearse consistently. The reason we don’t follow our dreams is that we don’t believe in ourselves. We have excuses and rationalizations and delay tactics and drama but none of them are real. It’s all a facade.

People have talked about the importance of love for decades yet the concept of self-love is practically shunned. As long as we hate ourselves, it will be difficult to make positive changes in our own lives or the lives of others. I created a CD that’s all about loving yourself as you are, it’s called Love Your Body, Love Yourself. I know it is powerful because I listened to a CD like this when I was in my 20’s and it made a huge difference. The repetition of all those positive thoughts helped me to do things I dreamt of doing such as writing a book, getting it published, going to college and becoming a college instructor. Because of my own personal experience, I am becoming more and more diligent about choosing my thoughts and energy than ever before.

Take a moment to pause. Notice what your automatic thoughts are. Are they leading you in the direction in which you wish to go? If not, it is up to you to change it and it’s quite easy and possible to do if you want to. You simply create new habits by thinking new thoughts. My book, From Sabotage to Success can be a useful tool in helping you find thoughts that aren’t working for you and replacing them with thoughts that do. Another tool that’s been useful to me lately is watching You Can Heal Your Life on DVD. This movie really opened my eyes to a different perception of myself and how I interact in the world. Check it out if you believe in things like The Secret or Law of Attraction.

The article “Falling in Love With You” by Dr. Meg Haworth was a real eye-opener. Here are some of the quotes:

“Paying attention to the regular flow of the self-deprecating voices in your head is one way to begin your commitment to loving you….If you put yourself down throughout the day, others will reflect back to you exactly what you are telling yourself. What you think and feel about you is what gets produced in the world around you.”

(Side note: I call my self-depricating voice “Jeb.” Jeb is an overweight, mysogynist, conservative republican with a Southern accent. He has a beer belly and he wears blue jeans, a white T-shirt, suspenders and a John Deere baseball cap. I might unfurl Jeb to the public on the Get Gal VanIZed blog sometime in the near future).

Dr. Meg Haworth admits to denying and degrading her own talents and accomplishments in life. Even though she is highly educated and creative, (after all, she draws, sings, dances, writes poetry, songs, books, and regular articles and teaches at the Doctoral level…(phew, that’s a lot to do). Nonetheless she admits, “My commitment to hiding those talents had become a way of fufilling my beliefs around being small. I did not feel I had anything of value to offer the world.”

Boy, can I relate to that one. It seems like every client I see shares a similar sentiment. I have been around some amazing men and women in my life and I have seen a very strong tendency for people to downplay their successes, talents and accomplishments as “not good enough.” I think this is partially a side effect of a perfectionistic mindset. We are bombarded with images of perfection at every turn. Your mind believes that perfect is “normal.” Of course perfection is entirely abnormal. There literally is No Such Thing.

Dr. Meg Haworth had a worksheet titled The Path to Self-Love. She poses 6 questions for readers to reflect on. Rather than copy them from the magazine and risk copyright violation, I will share questions from worksheets in my book, From Saboatage to Success that can also help you create self-love.

1. Write your current concept of success. Where did you learn it from? Is there anything you’d like to change about it?
2. Write about the heroes or heroines you admired as a child look for clues as to what you value and admire.
3. Consider your favorite hobbies or books you read as a child. Do you find any common themes?
4. What brings you joy?
5. Through the years, what has been a consistent quality or attirbute that other people have appreciated in you?
6. Think of three people who know you well. What would each of them say is unique or special about you?

I have one more post about The Ray in a future blog.

I just returned from the bout vs. San Diego Derby Dolls and the energy in the room was electrifying to say the least.  I am hoarse.  A couple of times I had to put my finger in my ear because the shrill of screams and whistles was vibrating my ear hairs

I am gonna post some pictures later from the game.  Ira, age 92 was there.  She is a big supporter of the Dolls.  Krissy Krash’s grandma came in her wheel chair and I’m pretty sure rinkrat got a photo of Myna Threat’s mom and grandma shopping in vendor village.

What I love about Derby is how “real” it feels.  Even though everyone is playing somewhat of a persona with their made-up derby names and all, I sense that their personas are more real than the face they wear at their “day job.”

I skate with the Derby Dolls during Fresh Meat practice.  I chose the skate name Gal VanIZed.  I loved the idea of having a name that said “I’m a woman, I’m proud to be a woman and I am strong.”  I swear, having the name has changed me. But it didn’t make me something I wasn’t, It made me more of who I am.

My name was also inspired by the song Galvanize by the Chemical Brothers.

Here are the lyrics:

don’t hold back…
’cause you woke up in the mornin’, with initiative to move, so why make it harder…
don’t hold back…
if you think about it, so many people do, be cool man, look smarter….
don’t hold back…
and you shouldn’t even care, ’bout those noses in the air, and their crooked stares…
don’t hold back…
’cause there’s a party over here, so you might as well be here, where the people care…
don’t hold back…

the world, is holdin back…
the time has come to…
the world, is holdin back…
the time has come to…
the world, is holdin back…
the time has come to…

galvanize!

c’mon, c’mon c’mon….

don’t hold back…
if you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face…
don’t hold back…
we think it’s time you get up, crunch time, like a sit up, come on keep pace…

don’t hold back…
put apprehension on the back burner, let it sit, dont even get it lit…
don’t hold back…
get involved with the jam, don’t be a prick, hot chick, be a pick….
don’t hold back…

the world, is holdin’ back…
the time has come to…
the world, is holdin’ back…
the time has come to…
the world, is holdin’ back…
the time has come to…

galvanize!

c’mon, c’mon c’mon….

world, the time has come to…
push the button…
world, the time has come to…
push the button…

world, the time has come to…
push the button…
world, my finger, is on the button…
my finger, is on the button…
my finger, is on the button…

push the button…

the time has come to…
galvanize!

I told my husband the first time I heard this song: “This is my anthem.” One of the coolest things about it is that Q-tip drops the rhymes. The words are set to a hip hop, indian/tribal theme that evokes a feeling of unity and world peace.

Here’s the video. I had to watch it a couple of times before I realized the symbolism and hidden meanings in the make up choices and coreography.

I wrote to the Chemical Brothers and told them about why I chose my name and asked if they would send a Chemical Brothers sticker or ideally a Galvanize sticker. They did something very cool: they sent a pack of “Push The Button” stickers. I put one on the front and one on the back of my helmet. Here’s a picture here. If any of the Dolls want one, let me know.