Get Galvanized

The fish doesn’t know it’s swimming in water. We don’t realize we swim in energy. I was swimming in the energy of “I suck” most of my life and I had no idea. I needed hundreds of people to reflect something different back to me before I “got” who I actually am. I spent my entire life downgrading every aspect of my being. I hated my body, I criticized my creativity, I missed the joy of being surrounded by some very cool people and events most of my life. I was present in body but not in mind or spirit.

I was so busy replaying the stories and self-criticism that I picked up along the journey of my life that I could not be present. I could not hear your words of praise and I could not feel your love. I thought you were lying. I thought you were just trying to be nice. I had no idea you actually meant it and it could actually be true.

Self-criticism was my life. My mom has pumping self-hate through her bloodstream while I was in her womb. She was drinking Diet Coke and smoking cigarettes, trying not to gain weight. After I was born, she was starving herself to try and attain a weight of 105. One time the Department of Social Services came out to our apartment because the neighbors were concerned that I had been left alone. What happened is that my mom passed out due to starvation and I was left to fend for myself. How can a teen mom with this much self-hate possibly teach a child about self-love?

I think many women have become accustomed to self-criticism and it is a learned comfort zone. Self-hatred is a norm. Women who seem too confident or successful are subject to criticism, women who are “too thin” or “too curvy” are subject to body stereotypes. When a young, beautiful or successful woman threatens our security, we rip her to shreds, finding everything that’s “wrong” with her and pointing it out to whoever will listen. Let’s face it, many of us are not respecting ourselves or each other and it’s not helping a soul.

My life experiences range from working with at-risk youth, recovering addicts, battered women, ex-cons and foster youth to wealthy hypnosis clients. I was one of 5 White kids living on the Hupa Indian Reservation in California in 1976. I’ve attended and lead thousands of groups, meetings, classes and workshops and worked as a therapist with hundreds of clients.

I attended more than 20 schools and lived in even more neighborhoods. I wrote for the school newspaper and interviewed a variety of interesting people for articles. I’m one of those people who naturally evokes trust and as a result, strangers, friends, aquaintances, family members and clients have sat with me since I was a child and told me intimate details of their “story.”

Here’s what I know: we all want the same things and we all have the same feelings. We all want love. We all want to feel important. We all want to make a difference and live a life of purpose. We all have moments where we feel powerless, afraid and alone. The majority of us have regrets about the past that we rehearse consistently. The reason we don’t follow our dreams is that we don’t believe in ourselves. We have excuses and rationalizations and delay tactics and drama but none of them are real. It’s all a facade.

People have talked about the importance of love for decades yet the concept of self-love is practically shunned. As long as we hate ourselves, it will be difficult to make positive changes in our own lives or the lives of others. I created a CD that’s all about loving yourself as you are, it’s called Love Your Body, Love Yourself. I know it is powerful because I listened to a CD like this when I was in my 20’s and it made a huge difference. The repetition of all those positive thoughts helped me to do things I dreamt of doing such as writing a book, getting it published, going to college and becoming a college instructor. Because of my own personal experience, I am becoming more and more diligent about choosing my thoughts and energy than ever before.

Take a moment to pause. Notice what your automatic thoughts are. Are they leading you in the direction in which you wish to go? If not, it is up to you to change it and it’s quite easy and possible to do if you want to. You simply create new habits by thinking new thoughts. My book, From Sabotage to Success can be a useful tool in helping you find thoughts that aren’t working for you and replacing them with thoughts that do. Another tool that’s been useful to me lately is watching You Can Heal Your Life on DVD. This movie really opened my eyes to a different perception of myself and how I interact in the world. Check it out if you believe in things like The Secret or Law of Attraction.